If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women

He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.

Wives don't forget old boyfriends!
 
 
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Husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend.

There was a guy on the dance floor jiving to no end -
break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? . . .
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "Looks to me like he's still celebrating!!"
 

lol @  my dog is a calculator.

lol. !!

:-)

someone is missing their gun.

:-)

lol !!!!! @ 

Husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend.

There was a guy on the dance floor jiving to no end -
break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? . . .
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "Looks to me like he's still celebrating!!"