Diary Of A Deer Hunter
1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings.
2:00 AM: Hunting
partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 AM: Throw everything except
kitchen sink into pickup.
3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods.
3:15 AM:
Drive back home to pick up gun.
3:30 AM: Drive like crazy to get to the
woods before daylight.
4:00 AM: Set up camp. Forgot the stupid
tent.
4:30 AM: Head for the woods.
6:05 AM: See eight
deer.
6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 AM:
CLICK.
6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill.
8:00
AM: Head back to camp.
9:00 AM: Still looking for camp.
10:00 AM:
Realize that you don't know where camp is.
NOON : Fire gun for help---eat
wild berries.
2:15 PM: Run out of bullets---eight deer come
back.
2:20 PM: Strange feeling in stomach.
2:30 PM: Realize that
you ate poison berries.
2:45 PM: Rescued.
2:55 PM: Rushed to
hospital to have stomach pumped, throw up instead.
3:15 PM: Arrive back
at camp.
3:30 PM: Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 PM: Return to camp
for bullets.
4:01 PM: Load gun---leave camp again.
5:00 PM: Empty
gun on bug that is bugging you.
6:00 PM: Arrive at camp -- see deer
grazing.
6:01 PM: Load gun.
6:02 PM: Fire gun.
6:03 PM: One
dead pickup.
6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging
deer.
6:06 PM: Repress desire to shoot hunting partners.
6:07 PM:
Fall into fire.
6:10 PM: Change clothing, throw burned ones in
fire.
6:15 PM: Take pickup, leave hunting partners and deer in
camp.
6:25 PM: Pickup boils over due to hole shot in block.
6:26
PM: Start walking.
6:30 PM: Stumble and fall, drop gun in
mud.
6:35 PM: Meet bear.
6:36 PM: Take aim.
6:37 PM: Fire
gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud.
6:38 PM: Mess
pants.
6:39 PM: Climb tree.
11:00 PM: Bear leaves. Wrap gun around
tree.
Midnight: Home at last. Fall on knees thanking Maker.
Next
day: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing up hunting license into small
pieces, place in envelope, and mail to Game Warden.![]()