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  • 5/21/12
hilarious @  The third man looked at the woman, looked at the ball, and said, "Pick it up. It's good!"
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:-)
  • 5/21/12
LOL @  A golfer standing on a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, "Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain."

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uhm, come again?     who are the idiots?        funny!!!

:-)
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  • 5/21/12
 

   

  


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  • 5/21/12
After slicing his tee shot into the woods, a golfer heads off in search of his ball, which he finds behind a large tree. After considering his positio -- and not wanting to take a drop and lose a stroke -- he decides to hook the ball around the tree. He swings, the ball hits the tree, ricochets back at him, and instantly kills him.

When he opens his eyes, he sees the Pearly Gates and St. Peter standing before him.

"Am I dead?" he asks.

"Yes, my son," replies St. Peter, who looks the man over and notices his clubs.

"I see you're a golfer," St. Peter says. "Are you any good?" "Hey, I got here in two, didn't I?"



There's a golf course where the parking lot is just to the right of the first fairway. Separating the fairway and lot is the access road to the pro shop.

One day, a ball comes flying off the first tee, hits the rear window of one car and shatters it, ricochets into the windshield of another car and cracks that, then bounces and hits a golfer in the head as he is unloading his clubs. He has to be taken to the hospital.

After surveying the damage, the golf pro asks each golfer as he walks off the ninth green if anyone hit a slice of the first tee. After numerous negative replies, the pro finally finds his culprit. The golfer admits that, yes, indeed, he hit his first tee shot to the right, but it went out-of-bounds, he and the rest of his group didn't bother looking for it.

The pro explains about the two car windows and the golfer in the hospital. By the time he finishes re-creating the scene, the entire foursome is visibly upset, and the golfer who hit the errant shot moans,""Oh, that's terrible. What can I do?"

The pro says, "You should probably trying rolling your hands a little to the right to strengthen your grip."









  • 5/21/12
lol !!

most jokes about golfers make it seem as though

golf is the first and one and only thing of importance

in life.   lol !!!

:-)
  • 5/22/12
A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples' alternate shot tournament at his club.

He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.

Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine."

The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.

Undaunted, the husband said, "That's OK, Sweetheart" and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in.

His wife then proceeded to take her putter out and knock the ball off the green and into a bunker.

Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.

He took the ball out of the hole and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey five and that's OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole."

To which she replied, "Listen, don't yell at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine."





  • 5/22/12
lol !!

:-)
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  • 5/22/12

wise words

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing or hunting instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing or hunting," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing hunting and golf .









  • 5/22/12

10 greatest caddy remarks

#10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

#9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

#8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes, you miss the ball much closer now."

#7 Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."

#6 Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so, that would be too much of a coincidence."

#5 Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

#4 Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good, but personally, I prefer golf."

#3 Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday? Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."

#2 Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

#1 Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."




  • 5/22/12

new federal golf rules

Major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective September 1,2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.

Here are a few of the changes.

Golfers with handicaps:
- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.

The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:
- handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
- handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring. In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again. The current USG A handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.