Jesus and Moses are playing golf in Heaven when they come to the par-three 17th hole, a long carry over water to an island green. Moses tees off with a 3-wood and hits the green. Jesus takes out his 5-iron and says, "I'm going to hit a 5-iron because Arnold Palmer would hit a 5-iron from here."

Jesus tees it up and hits a lofted iron shot that finishes 25 yards short of the green and in the water.

Jesus turns to Moses and says, "How about parting the water so I can play my ball where it lies?"

Moses says, "No way. You foolishly chose the wrong club because of your Arnold Palmer fantasy and I'm not going to be a party to it!"

Jesus shrugs and starts walking on the water to where his ball went in. Just then, a foursome approaching the tee box sees Jesus walking on the water.

One of them asks Moses, "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?"

Moses turns and says, "No, he thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"

A golfer standing on a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, "Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain."



A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, "Of course."

To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. He doesn't hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time.

When they reach the ninth fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green.

After several minutes pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started.

"Of course," says the old man, "when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall."

New terrorist

 

 

hilarious @  The third man looked at the woman, looked at the ball, and said, "Pick it up. It's good!"
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:-)

LOL @  A golfer standing on a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, "Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain."

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uhm, come again?     who are the idiots?        funny!!!

:-)

 

   

  

After slicing his tee shot into the woods, a golfer heads off in search of his ball, which he finds behind a large tree. After considering his positio -- and not wanting to take a drop and lose a stroke -- he decides to hook the ball around the tree. He swings, the ball hits the tree, ricochets back at him, and instantly kills him.

When he opens his eyes, he sees the Pearly Gates and St. Peter standing before him.

"Am I dead?" he asks.

"Yes, my son," replies St. Peter, who looks the man over and notices his clubs.

"I see you're a golfer," St. Peter says. "Are you any good?" "Hey, I got here in two, didn't I?"



There's a golf course where the parking lot is just to the right of the first fairway. Separating the fairway and lot is the access road to the pro shop.

One day, a ball comes flying off the first tee, hits the rear window of one car and shatters it, ricochets into the windshield of another car and cracks that, then bounces and hits a golfer in the head as he is unloading his clubs. He has to be taken to the hospital.

After surveying the damage, the golf pro asks each golfer as he walks off the ninth green if anyone hit a slice of the first tee. After numerous negative replies, the pro finally finds his culprit. The golfer admits that, yes, indeed, he hit his first tee shot to the right, but it went out-of-bounds, he and the rest of his group didn't bother looking for it.

The pro explains about the two car windows and the golfer in the hospital. By the time he finishes re-creating the scene, the entire foursome is visibly upset, and the golfer who hit the errant shot moans,""Oh, that's terrible. What can I do?"

The pro says, "You should probably trying rolling your hands a little to the right to strengthen your grip."

lol !!

most jokes about golfers make it seem as though

golf is the first and one and only thing of importance

in life.   lol !!!

:-)

A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples' alternate shot tournament at his club.

He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.

Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine."

The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.

Undaunted, the husband said, "That's OK, Sweetheart" and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in.

His wife then proceeded to take her putter out and knock the ball off the green and into a bunker.

Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.

He took the ball out of the hole and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey five and that's OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole."

To which she replied, "Listen, don't yell at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine."