I Live to see 80?
recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive
tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 62)
little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you
I'll live to be 80?'
doctor responded by asking, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or
no,' I replied . . . 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?' "I said, 'Not
since my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,
bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said.
asked, 'Do you gamble, go on vacations or have a lot of sex?' 'No,' I
looked at me and said, . . . 'Then, why do you even give a **** ?
sayings and cliches
Always concede the fourth
Bunkers have the unnerving
habit of rushing out to meet your ball.
Coincidentally the only
remaining set of clubs in the professional's shop was made especially for
Curing the faults in your
swing can never be affected in just one lesson from a professional.
left-to-right putts are usually followed by curly, uphill, right-to-left
Delicate chip shots over
bunkers always catch the top of the bank and fall back.
During the first round with
a brand new set of clubs, the ball has to be played from a road.
Electric trolleys always
break down at the furthest point from the clubhouse.
Finding the key to a better
game means opening a lot of doors.
Foursomes golf means always
having to say you're sorry.
Golf is the only game in
which you fail to win 99 per cent of the time.
Greens are hollow-tined and
dressed the day before a competition.
Handicaps are designed to
keep you in your place.
Hitting an iron off the tee
for safety means same direction, less distance.
If a golfer wishes to give
you a blow-by-blow account of his round, ask him to start with his final putt on
the 18th green.
If a good course is one
where you play to your handicap or better and a bad course is one where you
struggle to break 100, why are there so many bad courses ?
If the club is burgled, your
clubs are never stolen. And if they are, you are underinsured.
If there is one solitary
tree located on a hole, your ball will find it with unerring
If you are giving strokes in
a match it's always too many: if you are receiving them it's never
If you are playing well in a
competition, your partner will tell you that if you keep it up you must win.
This remark ensures that you finish with a string of double-bogeys.
If you find your ball in the
woods, it is unplayable. If a professional finds his ball in woods, not only is
it playable but he can hit it onto the green.
If you have a hole-in-one in
a competition you are in the last group and the bar is packed when you come
If you have difficulty
meeting new people, try picking up someone else's golf ball.
If you're out in 39 and home
in 45 you're playing wartime golf.
Immediately you put on your
waterproofs it stops raining.
In a four-ball game, your
partner is right on his game while you aren't or vice versa.
In a match, younger golfers
always have your measure.....so do older golfers for that matter.
In a pro-am, you are the
last to drive off after your professional and partners have all hit
In most medal rounds, you
start badly then fade away.
It's always the next round
that will find you playing your normal game.
Keeping your head down means
you'll be looking at a very large divot.
Lagging a putt from three
feet means you've got the yips.
No successive swings are
ever the same except when you hit consecutive shots out of bounds.
Nobody ever coughs on your
Out-of-bounds fences are
located a foot the wrong side of your ball.
Passing lorry-drivers always
shout 'Fore' at the top of your backswing.
People who say a shank is
close to a perfect shot have never had four in a row.
Quote from Christy O'Connor:
'If it wasn't my living, I wouldn't play golf if you paid me.'
Shots that finish close to
the pin are never as close when you get there.
Spike marks always deflect
your ball away from the hole.
Teeing up on the side
nearest the out-of-bounds means your ball will finish in the cabbage on the
Love those cats.....we have two at home and they are hilarious!