A tiger was walking through the jungle one day and saw two men relaxing under a tree.
One was reading a newspaper, and the other was working feverishly on a manual typewriter.
The tiger leapt on the man with the newspaper, and ate him up.
The tiger did not bother the other man at all.
That's because any predator knows that readers digest but writers cramp.
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Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.
A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had 1 baby."
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"
The nurse goes away.
Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying.
She asks, "Why are you crying"?
The man replies, "I work for Seven Up"!!
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Three guys had to cross a lake. The first one prayed to God for the strength, he swam across the lake, but almost died 5 times.
The second guy prayed to God for the strength and the tools, he made a boat, and rowed himself across the lake, he almost died 3 times.
The third guy prayed to God for the strength, the tools, and the brains. He turned into a girl, walked 4 yards, and crossed the bridge.
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A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this," and she goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "
The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!"