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    • from my clean joke book....
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  • 4/19/12
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  • 4/19/12
  • lucky
  • From: lucky
  • Posts: 926
Some humorous newspaper ads.
  • 4/19/12
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Will Rogers
Favorite Funny Quote #2
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
Favorite Funny Quote #3
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
Favorite Funny Quote #4
Coffee isn't my cup of tea.
Samuel Goldwyn
Favorite Funny Quote #5
I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
Bob Hope
Favorite Funny Quote #6
Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
Favorite Funny Quote #7
The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Favorite Funny Quote #8
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
Robert Orben
Favorite Funny Quote #9
I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true.
Katherine Hepburn














  • 4/19/12
Image Detail
  • 4/19/12
Gammy,

LOL !!!

spay and neuter one cat? 

that would be interesting.   lol !!!

:-)

  • 4/19/12
insanity inherited from the kids.

lol!!!

:-)
  • 4/19/12
Sr.  :-)

thanks for the smiles.

:-)
  • 4/19/12
:-))
  • 4/19/12
  • To: All
  • 4/19/12
they were causing a lot of commotion at zoo, your Honor, the zoo attendant said.
boys the judge said sternly, i never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency.
now i want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong.
my name is George said the first boy and i threw peanuts into the elephant pen
my name is Larry said the second boy and i threw peanuts into the elephant pen.
my name is Mike said the third boy and i threw peanuts into the elepant pen.
my name is Peanuts said the fourth boy.


what is your age asked the defense attorney.    remember maam, you are under oath.
twenty nine and some months she answered.   how many months did you say, the
lawyer interrogated?  in a barely audible voice she replied, three hundred and ten.


a mother went to her son's house for dinner.  he had just gotten two new dogs and
wanted her to see them.  when she sat down at the table, she noticed that the
dishes were the dirtiest she had ever seen in her life.  have these dishes ever been
washed she asked, running her fingers over the dirt and the grime.  they're as clean
as soap and water could get them he answered.  she felt a bit apprehensive, but
started eating anyway.   the food was really good and she said so despite the dirty
dishes.   when dinner was over, her son took the dishes, put them on the floor,
whistled and yelled,  Here, Soap!   Here, Water!


three mice were sitting around boasting about their strengths.  the first mouse says
mice traps are nothing.  i do push ups with the bar.   the second mouse pulls a pill
from his pocket, swallows it, grins and says, that was rat poison.  the third mouse
got up to leave.  the first mouse said, where do you think you are going. 
the third mouse said, it's time to go home and chase the cat.


at the end of his shift, the police officer parked his van in front of the station.  his k-9
partner, Bo, was in the back.   as the officer was exiting his car, a little boy walked
by and looked in the back window of the van.   is that a dog you got back there the
little boy asked.  it sure is the officer replied.   puzzled, the boy looked at the officer,
then back at the van.   finally, he said.   what did he do.


a german shepherd went to the telegraph office to send a telegram.  Woof, he wrote.
Woof.  Woof.  Woof.  Woof.   Woof.  Woof.   Woof.   Woof.
The clerk looked at the message and said, there are only nine words here.  You could
add one more Woof for the same price.  But, said the dog.  then it wouldn't make any
sense at all.

Edited 4/19/12   by  underpartoday
Edited 4/19/12   by  underpartoday