cheeseburger eatin' cat.

lol !!

and the boat on the rock?

lol !!  how in the world.....?

:-)

Petey came home from school with another black eye.  have you been fighting again? his mother asked him.
i'm sorry, mom, he replied.  i told you the next time you lost your temper, you should count to ten. 
i did said peter.  but jimmy's mom told him to only count to five , so he hit me first.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a little girl asked her motherm, can i go outside and play with the boys?  her mother replied, no you can't play with the boys.  they're too rough.   the little girl thought about it for a few noments and then asked, if i can find a smooth one, can i play with him?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Or not

lol !!

yeah.   i guess boys are just rough.

lol !!!

girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice.

boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails.

but Sr.   i am just now realizing.   lol !!

what are snips?

nursery rhymes!!!

you know.  speaking of nursery rhymes, those brothers grimm,

were just that.   grimm.   they probably struck all kinds of fear

in the hearts of little children during that era.

:-)

777 Great Clean Jokes by Jennifer Hahn

Burt had a problem with oversleeping and was always late for work.  His boss threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.  So Burt went to h is doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.
Burt slept incredibly well, in facxt, he woke up before the alarm went off.  he had a leisurely breakfast and a pleasant ride to work.   Boss, he said, that pill my doctor prescribled actually worked!
That's great said the boss, but where were you yesterday?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a veteran of world war II applied for a job at a bank.  the impersonal interviewer continued to ask question AFTER question, scribbling notes and never looking at the veteran. 
most recent postition aske dthe official
supply officer replied the applicant.
duration of employment?
three and a half years.
reason for termination?
the applicant stopped and thought for a moment, then answered, we won!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

an employee went to see his supervisor.  Boss, he said, we're doing some heavy housecleaning @ home tomorrow and my wife asked me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.   we're shorthanded, the boss replied.  i can't give  you the day off.  thank you said the employee.  i knew i could count on you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the interviewer examined the hjob appliation, then turned to the prospective employee.  i see yu have put ASAP down for the date you are available to start.   however, i see you've written down AMAP for required salary.  i don't believe i'm aware of what that means.   the applicant replied, AS MUCHAS POSSIBLE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a politician asked a minister, what is something the government can do to help the church?
well, the minister replied, quit making one dollar bills.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i think i deserve a raise, the man said to his boss.  you know there are three other companies after me. 
is tha right? asked the manager.  what other companies are after you?
the electric company, the phone company, and the gas company.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

a young executive was preparing to leave the office late one evening, when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.  this is a very sensitive and important document, said the CEO, and my secretary has gone for the night.  can you get this thing to work for me.   certainly said the young executive eagerlyl.  he turned the macihine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
Excellent!  Thank you!  soid the CEO, as his paper disapearted inside the machine.  i just need one copy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four guys were out on the golf course. As one of them was teeing off at the 10th hole, which was next to the highway, they saw a funeral precession go by. Instead of teeing off, the guy removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral had passed.

At this point, the other three said, "You know, the was the most touching thing I've ever seen."

And the guy answers, "Well, I was married to her for 15 years. It was the least I could do!"

a________________________________________________b



A man went in for a Brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the Architect's brain which would cost him £10,000 or the Politician's which was £100,000.

"Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?" exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.

"not exactly" replied the surgeon, "the politician's has never been used."

LOLOOOOOOOOOORAH!!

:-)

lol @ Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hilarious !!!

:-)

777 Great Clean Jokes by Jennifer Hahn


gabe - why are you down
mike  -  my sister said she souldn't talk to me for two weeks.
gabe  -   why should that upset you?
mike  -  today's the last day.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

a customer was continuallly bothering the waiter in a resturant.   first he asked that the air conditioning  be turned up becaiuse he was too hot, then he  asked that it be turned down because he was too cold.   that continued for about half an hour.
the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry.  finally, a second customer asked why they just didn't ask the man to leave.   oh, i don't mind, said the waiter calmly.   we don't even have an air conditioner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

teacher -  what happened in 1809?
eddie -  abraham lincoln was born
teacher. right.  now, what happened in 1812?
eddie. -  he turned three years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when the officer's hat blew off down the sidewalk.
would you like me to get that for you asked the prisoner.
you must think i'm an idiot said the officer
you just sait her and I'LL get it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

patient  -  help me doc.  i can't remember  anything for more than a few minutes.  it's driving me crazy.
doc -  how long has this been going on?
patient - how long has what been going on?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a man moved to a nursing home.   he soon noticed that a woman was constantlyl staring at him.   after a few days, he approached her and asked, ma'am, why have you been staring at me all the time?
you look just like my third husband, she replied.  
well how many times how you been married?  he asked. 
she answered,  twice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sad but true!!!! :-)